Working out and pain

After a long stretch of ignoring my body, I've set some goals to get in shape and feel good IN my body (I think I have a decent body to begin with, it just so happens that this sluggishness that I have makes me feel bad =P)

So here they are:

to stretch everyday

to jog/do aerobic every other day
go swimming once a month

to get massages from professionals every 3 months

to be able to do front splits within 3 months

and chinese (side) splits within 6 months

to be able to jog 10k in a year and a half

to get a black belt in 3 years

my goodness, lately I've been doing stretches and I'm just baffled at how inflexible I've become. I used to be able to touch my toes with little problem, and now it's like my body can't go past perpedicular angles.

Ridiculous.

Anyway, I was a bit zealous about this whole thing and while I was stretching today I actually almost cried from the stretch. Some people say that jogging until you fallover seems like a masochistic thing to do, but try stretching beyond your limit. It is frikking the most painful thing in the world (short of child-birth, but then again, that is another type of stretching in itself....)

I tried to hold in my expression, but I realized that venting this expression - actually making pained faces - actually increased my tolerance to this pain. The more I expressed this pain, the longer I could take it.

This might be the reason why women have higher tolerances to pain - we just express our pain physically~

It's like breathingt I suppose.

The pain is like the carbon in your body - and if you try to hold it in, well you'll just feel like exploding -

but breathe it out, and this carbon can continually course through your body naturally... the pain can continually course through your body... at safer more tolerable amounts

Isn't that crazy? I wonder why expression is just so important to renewing our bodily and mental health...

Any thoughts?

Anyway, I've learned that I'm not supposed to stretch until I feel pain... only until 'mild discomfort', else I'm going to injure myself! I already feel that sharp pain on knees... if only I'd read that earlier!

Then again, I wouldn't have come to this observation... which is really cool.

Actually, I'm starting to like psychology again - this course, neuroeconomics, really shows how fascinatingly complex we are...

we really don't have humans all figured out, at least not our internal workings. The 'why' business has often been left to philosophers who can't really prove their point. Go psychology and the scientific method!!

The wise learn from their mistakes

I'm not sure if it's been said exactly in that manner, but I'm definitely paraphrasing an old idea that is so relevant to all of us.

I guess one of the more important words in this sentence is 'mistake'.

What is a mistake?

Of course, it's something we've done wrong

- but what constitutes the content in the mistake... where is the wrongness?

I guess my short answer is, wherever the action has led to an unnecessary harm...

all these of course, are hard to say for certain without knowledge of the future. Because a certain harm caused now may be seen as having been fortuitous in the future. Many times we've looked back and recognized that ah yes, things have happened for the best, even though at that time... we were completely dreading it.

I'm not about to define for you what for certain is a mistake, but to outline the simpler and more common mistakes.

A very common mistake made is when we give ourselves fully and freely to others, with little regard for their character

this act of youthful foolishness causes a great pain for all who commit it. For certain there have been those who either abused this act of love or who have overlooked it...

and the rawness of this open-hearted pain is just so much, too much to bear

and so learning from this experience

many decide not to trust again

Of course this act is not an isolated act.

Soon after recovery, we decide to trust somewhat fully

and then another one comes to throw this trust away

After several incidences, many learn

to simply stop trusting.

And that, is the hidden mistake.

Well, hidden for people like me. To others, they don't commit this mistake and thus it isn't hidden.

But for people like me, the lesson that we learned to protect ourselves was taken too far, and thus becomes at worst a self-sabotaging mechanism, and at best a hindrance to our goals. For what are we on earth, except to truly get to know, appreciate, and even love one another...

...

In the end, what is recommended is a calm attentiveness to our actions, a gentle self-reflection of our thoughts.

Reflecting on your thoughts is hard.

Because you are thinking, and just say you are thinking about pain.

You tend to go on and on about that pain, and what caused it, and what you should do. This is not calm, usually this is attended by with rage or anxiety. It only prolongs that pina.

But to actually stop, and look at what you are saying to yourself, how it reflects what you think and feel about the world and the others around you... What you think others think of you.

Are all these things true?

Is there not some chance that you are actually exaggerating this because well, you've been so used to exaggerating and so used to criticizing yourself and well... it's hard to catch what you've grown up with all your life...

Anyway this isn't as short a blog as I wanted

but slightly detached analysis upon analysis upon your thoughts and feelings can lead to some productive changes to your 'stagnant' way of being.

And I suggest that whatever clarity derived from actions like this should not end up with a manic-like joy into which you base your entire life actions on, but a soft and subtle epiphany, which should always be there to gently remind you the next time around... else you may end up head-first into another mistake

but then again, that might deprive you of another learning experience! Yet experience suggests mistake after mistake is hardly healthy for the soul, so enjoy your successes and be humane towards yourself!

Stoic or Romantic?

A question that always runs through my mind is -
is it better to be stoic? Or to feel both incredible joy and sadness?

I live with a strange cross-breed of ratio-emotive expression. I can cry and laugh easily - tears come to me easily while watching movies, reading books, even listening to music - but at the time I do it, I can still make a decision in which I'm emotionally against...
I do have 'philosophical' beliefs as to why I should make decisions that lead to best future consequences ---
But perhaps it's not my natural position. Perhaps it feeds my low stamina - as I am always fighting this natural urge...

Or is acting in opposition to my feelings may just be plain old maturity.

Book Recommendations

Here are some book recommendations:

History of Love - Nicole Krauss
A pure emotional ride. She shows us the pain and joy in human relations with passion, innocence, and sincerity. And yet.
The book carries an attention-deficit-disorder type motion with it, with its quickness and lateral thinking. She is clever and often hysterical. I cannot believe that she can carry the voice of a dying old man, a 14 year old girl, and a young boy so convincingly. For anyone who wants to feel like they're in love again.

Suite Francaise - Irene Nemirovsky
If Nicole has ADD, Irene is almost overly aware. This book is truly a masterpiece, as Irene has remarkable talents of concentration and precision. The emotions of this book are far more subtle, but as haunting and heart-breaking as any. I personally feel that I've learned more from this book about human nature in general, than I have from any other book. Her scope and precision are just that large. I particularly like how she describes the passions of a 16 year old boy during war - his incredible idealism and all the turbulence of emotions that go with idealism. She writes it with empathy, but also with sorrow as she fears what is in store for the future... For anyone who cares to learn about human nature and war.

I've been awfully slow in my readings.

Let the Northern Lights write your name - Vendela Vida
The Idiot - Fyodor Dosteovsky
Animal Farm - George Orwell
They were decent books. I really appreciated Vendela Vida, but I realize it's more on an emotional level, but there was an intellectual level missing.

I half-read Wind-up bird Chronicles - Haruki Murakami
I hated it. I hate Haruki's characters. I feel that he's just lost, weak, and perverted. That's just my opinion.

I've set out to read
Don Quixote - Something (I forgot the first name) Cervantes
The Portrait of the artist as a young man - James Joyce
Eat Pray Love - Elizabeth Gilbert

Anyway, got to go eat!