Joe Biden

I'll write about him later,

but here's a decent article (I'd like to find you a good one, but I really should be getting to sleep now).

http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1644834,00.html

Job and future

Ya guys
Exciting times here.
So I went for the interview and honestly, I astounded even myself with how awesome I was. Muhahaha. Ok slight exaggeration but it seems that all the years volunteering have actually helped my competency in dealing with people, especially when they too are concerned with social justice.
I must also thank my human resources course
- remember folks, at an interview, always maintain eye contact, smile, and nod. According to psych studies, this accounts for 80% of the variance in being chosen.

But seriously, it seemed like a great fit - the people were young, comfortable, mellow, yet passionate... just the way I like it. It could have gone other ways, people could have been too uptight, too in-your-face, or just too boring. Going for a job requires a fit in two ways: you suiting the organization, and the organization suiting you.

So I'm daydreaming a bit more...
this job may not translate immediately to the dollar bills, but it's something where I think I'd learn 1) leadership skills 2) social skills. And it would make use of my 1) need and ability for independent work and 2) passion for social justice.

Anyway, so I'm happy, and I'm like wow how many jobs are out there for me?

I want to be a lawyer, but somewhere along the way I'd also love to pick up a political science MA. I'd love to do something requiring travelling to post-conflict sites and start the rebuilding process. That's one of my goals. And perhaps, depending on how well I do, teach law for a bit. Write some political non-fiction. Perhaps pick up a counselling MA as well. And maybe... just maybe... when I'm like 50, go into politics. But that's much later...
What I'm wanting to do soon is some volunteering for the environment... get up to speed on environmental issues around the world and do my part... in Iceland, India, Peru, Russia...

I know I said I was going to go to Korea but I realized that I didn't have much to learn there, only a paycheck to receive.
I don't want to teach bratty children English. I don't want to be surrounded by Koreans for 1 year. I don't want to work for a Korean slave driver. I don't want to see my relatives... yet. I'd like to see them when you know I've got a sweet job. I don't want to forego an opportunity to learn valuable skills and gain a Canadian reference. I don't want to be separate from my family and friends.
Those are my reasons...

I guess what this means is that things come up. New sentiments arise, new ideas to pursue... that's the nature of being young, adventurous, and able is it not?

Anyway, I promise, next post no more talk about jobs and the future~ Got to change it up you know?

Peace~~

Job Search

The Job search is on... and I am getting decent response

I've had so far 2 people contact me for interviews for an administrative assistant position,
1 interview for Japan (which I skipped out on).
1 for community justice organized, and 1 for canvassing part-time.

I'm getting a decent amount, I think because I know how to manipulate a resume, but at the same time... perhaps I'm just aiming too low.

I talked to my friend the other day and he said I could go straight for marketing and advertising positions to make more money.
I don't know what he meant by that but it sure made me less excited about being an administrative assistant.

I'm really undecided on what type of job I want. The jobs that I have now are giving me experience and skill for my later jobs (of perhaps lawyer)... you know, they are building blocks, and I got to make sure I got the right blocks, don't I?
As community justice organizer, I'd be out there in a somewhat leadership position, organizing groups to help people inform lower-income families abut their rights in renting situations, and more. But I'd be losing out on having a traditional job experience...
With administrative assistant - I would have some kind of office experience, and hone my organizational skills. Be in a climate with strict deadlines, all that to give me some discipline. Of course, it would probably be an atmosphere of less independence, more boredom...

Also, I am worried about finances, I would love to at least halve my enormous debt, and make some on the side to travel to at least one different country.
But at the same time, as my parents say, if I do things right, right now, I won't have to worry about money later on.

At this age, I guess it's really trying to find the balance between the present and the future. I feel like graduation is my first step into adulthood. Its exciting and nerve-wracking... even for someone who has at least one of their end goals figured out.

Without school and without anxiety problems, I can freely think about what I want from this life... my previous myopia is now reaching clear sight... I see the things that I've missed out on, and I'm beginning to desire again human relationships... good travels... faithfulness to my morals...

Anyway, I actually want to postpone getting a job until October... need to focus on the LSAT!
Which is just killing me...

Law School 2

So they found that people who were more 'pessimistic' tended to do better in law school than those who were 'optimistic'
This is in an outdated study - 1995 - but let's see if it has anything to it.
Pessimistic people are always looking for what is wrong, while these things tend to be under the radar of optimistic individuals.
Thus, in law school, if one is always vigilant to positions that are weak, illogical, etc, I suppose that would make a great grades in law school.

But this is only law school... I'm thinking people who are successful outside of school "aka life" tend to have a healthy balance between these two. They know to be on the look out, yet need to be optimistic about opportunities to strive towards them - and not burn themselves out.

But this need for pessimism may explain the high depression and suicide rates among lawyers.

I think I would really enjoy being knowledgeable and professional in telling clients their legal choices, being a legal counsel.
One of my favourite things is finding out new information, and then advising my friends of my findings. I like being of some benefit and having weight in the matter. I enjoy research and analysis and I enjoy being right. I think these are good prerequisites for law.

Immigration law, mediation, environmental law, properties/wills, family, constitutional law, these are the more social, more emotionally engaging areas of law that I'm looking into.

My dream of course, is to be an international human rights lawyer... but it almost seems like just a dream...

ah, see, I've got that pessimism.

Working out and pain

After a long stretch of ignoring my body, I've set some goals to get in shape and feel good IN my body (I think I have a decent body to begin with, it just so happens that this sluggishness that I have makes me feel bad =P)

So here they are:

to stretch everyday

to jog/do aerobic every other day
go swimming once a month

to get massages from professionals every 3 months

to be able to do front splits within 3 months

and chinese (side) splits within 6 months

to be able to jog 10k in a year and a half

to get a black belt in 3 years

my goodness, lately I've been doing stretches and I'm just baffled at how inflexible I've become. I used to be able to touch my toes with little problem, and now it's like my body can't go past perpedicular angles.

Ridiculous.

Anyway, I was a bit zealous about this whole thing and while I was stretching today I actually almost cried from the stretch. Some people say that jogging until you fallover seems like a masochistic thing to do, but try stretching beyond your limit. It is frikking the most painful thing in the world (short of child-birth, but then again, that is another type of stretching in itself....)

I tried to hold in my expression, but I realized that venting this expression - actually making pained faces - actually increased my tolerance to this pain. The more I expressed this pain, the longer I could take it.

This might be the reason why women have higher tolerances to pain - we just express our pain physically~

It's like breathingt I suppose.

The pain is like the carbon in your body - and if you try to hold it in, well you'll just feel like exploding -

but breathe it out, and this carbon can continually course through your body naturally... the pain can continually course through your body... at safer more tolerable amounts

Isn't that crazy? I wonder why expression is just so important to renewing our bodily and mental health...

Any thoughts?

Anyway, I've learned that I'm not supposed to stretch until I feel pain... only until 'mild discomfort', else I'm going to injure myself! I already feel that sharp pain on knees... if only I'd read that earlier!

Then again, I wouldn't have come to this observation... which is really cool.

Actually, I'm starting to like psychology again - this course, neuroeconomics, really shows how fascinatingly complex we are...

we really don't have humans all figured out, at least not our internal workings. The 'why' business has often been left to philosophers who can't really prove their point. Go psychology and the scientific method!!

The wise learn from their mistakes

I'm not sure if it's been said exactly in that manner, but I'm definitely paraphrasing an old idea that is so relevant to all of us.

I guess one of the more important words in this sentence is 'mistake'.

What is a mistake?

Of course, it's something we've done wrong

- but what constitutes the content in the mistake... where is the wrongness?

I guess my short answer is, wherever the action has led to an unnecessary harm...

all these of course, are hard to say for certain without knowledge of the future. Because a certain harm caused now may be seen as having been fortuitous in the future. Many times we've looked back and recognized that ah yes, things have happened for the best, even though at that time... we were completely dreading it.

I'm not about to define for you what for certain is a mistake, but to outline the simpler and more common mistakes.

A very common mistake made is when we give ourselves fully and freely to others, with little regard for their character

this act of youthful foolishness causes a great pain for all who commit it. For certain there have been those who either abused this act of love or who have overlooked it...

and the rawness of this open-hearted pain is just so much, too much to bear

and so learning from this experience

many decide not to trust again

Of course this act is not an isolated act.

Soon after recovery, we decide to trust somewhat fully

and then another one comes to throw this trust away

After several incidences, many learn

to simply stop trusting.

And that, is the hidden mistake.

Well, hidden for people like me. To others, they don't commit this mistake and thus it isn't hidden.

But for people like me, the lesson that we learned to protect ourselves was taken too far, and thus becomes at worst a self-sabotaging mechanism, and at best a hindrance to our goals. For what are we on earth, except to truly get to know, appreciate, and even love one another...

...

In the end, what is recommended is a calm attentiveness to our actions, a gentle self-reflection of our thoughts.

Reflecting on your thoughts is hard.

Because you are thinking, and just say you are thinking about pain.

You tend to go on and on about that pain, and what caused it, and what you should do. This is not calm, usually this is attended by with rage or anxiety. It only prolongs that pina.

But to actually stop, and look at what you are saying to yourself, how it reflects what you think and feel about the world and the others around you... What you think others think of you.

Are all these things true?

Is there not some chance that you are actually exaggerating this because well, you've been so used to exaggerating and so used to criticizing yourself and well... it's hard to catch what you've grown up with all your life...

Anyway this isn't as short a blog as I wanted

but slightly detached analysis upon analysis upon your thoughts and feelings can lead to some productive changes to your 'stagnant' way of being.

And I suggest that whatever clarity derived from actions like this should not end up with a manic-like joy into which you base your entire life actions on, but a soft and subtle epiphany, which should always be there to gently remind you the next time around... else you may end up head-first into another mistake

but then again, that might deprive you of another learning experience! Yet experience suggests mistake after mistake is hardly healthy for the soul, so enjoy your successes and be humane towards yourself!

Check the US

When they fall, they fall hard.

So lately in media reports, it's always about George Bush's declining rate and the need to pull out of Iraq,
and I must be mad or something, but this news slightly infuriates me.

Why? Not that I'd want to see him in power, ever since 2004 have I been waiting for 2008. Not that I'd ever supported the Iraq War.
But it's a culmination of factors.

1) Lack of loyalty: Though a democracy should not have unquestioned kings, I'm appalled at the Conservatives now who are running, not walking, away from being associated with Bush or the Iraq war. Were they not spouting his praise only a few years back?
Ah, human fickleness.

2) The process of scapegoating: Many people now are trying to distance themselves from Bush and the Iraq War. But someone has to be responsible right? Who is the most widely known (and hated) of all? George Bush. So let's just put more blame on him.

3) The bandwagon (conformity): Goddamn, I hate the bandwagon, but it's such a fundamental part of our social behaviour. But if certain leaders (or the cool kids) decide to dislike him, and the guy to the left and right of you dislike him, hey, why not you? It certainly doesn't come at a cost to you, and you really respect that leader's opinion, and that friend of your is really well-spoken, and ya, you guess you don't have that much information so... you might as well blindly put yourself forth with hating Bush. Gee, I'm really glad we have fought for the freedom of thought.

This is most evident in the support for Iraq. An increasing number of journalists are coming out with increasingly blind bias against the Iraq War. There is no weighing of the two sides. The lack of analysis by politicians in the Iraq War is just phenomenal.
First, the reason why Iraq is somewhat akin to a hell on earth is due mostly to the invastion and perhaps the first 2-3 years, not the most recent ones.
But if invading Iraq started problem, is pulling out the solution?

No, what they are doing now is a sort of maintenance work, in which new tactics must be revived to try and restore some peace to Iraq.

Honestly, when I see people only starting to write about the atrocities of Iraq now, I'm like where were you 4 years ago???? You're just trying to make a gain with this popularized sentiment that the war is bad.

Did you not know that in war there are always unwanted casualties? Rape and systematic killings? I'm guessing this is just human nature. Having suppressed critiquing the war for years, you suddenly jump at ever higher heights to go full blast on this administration. You are encouraged by the heads nodding in agreement. All you need to say is, 'Bush Bad' and you get applause. Yet this moment of emboldenment has turned your rationality on cruise control and you cruise into the same mistake made by the administration itself.

For years, Saddam Hussein was killing Kurds by the thousands, first displacing them into crowded villages which were subsequently gassed.
And the US did nothing.
10 years later, they decide that this is almost reason enough to invade Iraq again. This is also 10 years after the gassing stopped.

The correct questions are not being asked!! There is low regard for consequentialism or something. Isn't the right question: How does this effect the people involved? how is this going to help? Are there any problems caused by this? How can we solve or at least mitigate the harmful effect...

I refuse to believe that we are at the pinnacle of human rationality.
We're digressing if anything.
F*cking will to power shit.
Hey, so I've never been to Iraq and I can't locate it on a map, I'm still know more about what to do with Iraq than that guy who has a phD and like studied Iraq all his life. Ya, if I will it, it must be true!

What's going to happen to Iraqis when we pull out? Af*cking lifetime of ethnic cleansing and instability.

Think Afghanistan post-Soviet invasion.

I could talk about how at the root of all this mess is a lack of education coupled with democracy. It shouldn't happen! And yet it does...
anyway, I'll continue later, I think I've said enough this time around.

My time as a student

First year:

I started Waterloo as a young girl, hoping to meet like-minded peoples, who loved music, books, and going out. Instead, I met a group of engineers and mathies who loved to party... it was good times, but like-minded people I found none.

Academically, in my first term, I really kicked-ass in math. I got 80's and 90's. I actually cried in front of my algebra professor when I had gotten an 80 on my exam. Yes, I was one of those kids.
The second term, I took a philosophy course which blew my mind. It also blew my grades, as I'd gotten in touch with this deeper metaphysical side - and laid aside my need to do well in my courses. I'd actually gotten 50's in all my math courses.
After that, my knack for math could never be revived. I'd continuously struggle with 70's in math courses from there.

Anyway, first year was where all the action was at. I'd had mad crushes on 3 guys, made out with two of them, had tons of friends, and had tons of guys telling me they liked me. You could say I'd had it made... but deep down I'm sensitive. All this really took a toll on me. I dislike rejection on both sides... (if you can tell, I've almost stopped flirting completely)

I'll talk about the crush that I never got. Because those are always more fun to talk about aren't they? His nickname was Jesus. He had been a leader of the Korean Campus Crusade for Christ. He was a principled character, devoted to God. Gave his first paycheck to the church, second to his parents, and third he split among his friends. He'd never had a girlfriend and was waiting for 'the one'...
Through a friend, I'd finally gotten to meet him. We gathered to eat pizza at the library (in which I'd lived... yes I'd actually bring my toothbrush during exam times). Seeing us and the pizza, he dropped to his knees, and his hand grazed my knee (causing my heart to skip a beat). Why he did this I don't know. I asked him something, and he blushed. He made jokes, and he exclaimed in korean "i am a pencil". I don't know what that meant, but I liked his zany offbeat humour. When I'd see him around campus, I could tell he had a deep inner life. For example, while he was studying, he'd wear his hoodie over his head, deep in thought about his homework. Cliche as it sounds, it seemed to me that he didn't care so much what the average person thought of his behaviour. Now, that is immensely appealing...

Anyway, to sum up first year - it was definitely not what I'd expected. I hadn't met that 'soul-mate' group, but I did find many... guys. I'd basically thrown away my desire to complete math - but I'd try to stick through with it to please my parents.

Second year:

I did decently in my courses - nothing spectacular though. I'd no love for math by then. I'd become depressed after the summer for a variety of reasons.

I lived with one of my old friends and two of her acquaintances. It was not good. I'd been given the smallest room and basically didn't have much to say to them.

By this time, the guys and the friends were gone. I'd basically go to the library, go home... and that was it. The once thriving social life was gone.

I took some arts courses - and I loved them. Psychology was easy and I loved philosophy. I'd told my dad that I wanted to do philosophy - then he told me that females in philosophy don't get married.
And thus, after writing my last stats exam, I'd decided to switch to psychology.

Third year:

I started off fresh in psychology courses. They were incredibly easy compared to math. I'd joined a charity club. Here was my first taste of bureaucracy. Unfortunately, I'd been stuck with some close-minded and ineffective planners... and none of my ideas came to fruition, and instead we relied on selling Cinnabons - in which with 4 hours of work, we'd make $20... I never went back.

I'd become a Christian, and found a group of first years which I'd really enjoyed taking care of. We'd do everything together, walking around campus until 2 in the morning, just joking about.
But the flipside to this was that I'd met some close-minded girls who refused to accept my more liberal interpretations of the bible. They tried to ingrain the idea that hell actually was a pit of fire. Didn't stick, but it sure made me insecure about expressing my real opinions.

My favourite professor is a young idealistic man, who recited poetry and song lyrics in our 'peace and conflicts' class. I am enamoured with his love of life and his knowledge about the cold war. Yet, I noted the shiny wedding band on his finger as he waved his arms talking about russian spies, and I'd subsequently had to abandon my heart's cry.

At this time I was incredibly sensitive and had wished to start fresh and fit in. But the truth would be that I didn't fit in. I couldn't accept this and so I walked on egg-shells making sure that what I'd say would be 'appropriate'. So though I'd gotten on the honour roll this year, I had a miserable time, and at the end developed a panic disorder.

Fourth year:

I was trying to recover from the panic disorder. I tried to find solace in God, which was strange because it was probably meeting people who found solace in God that helped create the panic disorder in the first place.
I moved in with some people from the Korean Christian Fellowship. And we discuss matters. And I start to question it more. I am a bit confused as to why Christianity leads to an anti-Gay position, and why Christians aren't really moved by the plight of the poor.

For example, in asking for donations for charity, many Christians chose not to give because they were 'students'. Funny, because I just saw them eat out at East Side Mario's the night before, but I held my tongue.

I shouldn't have.

I join the World University Services of Canada and Amnesty International. Second taste of bureaucracy. I take a leadership position - and I am incredibly happy. I get to discuss matters with people and am actually working towards helping a refugee come to our school. I get sent to conferences and hold public events. I meet a friend whom was much more adept at practical matters, but loved me and relied on me to make sure that 1) he didn't go crazy 2) he could have good conversations about God and the world. We sometimes butted heads, but ya, man I miss him.

I take a political science class. I love it. I take another one, and I can say that it was the best class I've ever taken. Having been set up in a debate format - it was thrilling to try and come up with a tight argument and response. My group defended the position that Asian values were not relevant to the democratization of Asian countries. Though my marks in political science were not as high, I decide to do a double major. Perhaps the best decision I'd made all university long.

I get my first part-time job in years. Walksafe. I meet a ton of cool people. Realize that it's a job where you literally do nothing for 5 hours. Am slightly upset at the waste of it, but stay silent because this is how I get paid.

Fifth year:

I enjoy thoroughly all my political science classes. I like the people I meet. I stay relatively to myself though. I've become incredibly introverted by this time.
I kick ass in my law class. Think - perhaps I should go this route.

Because of a roommate problem, I develop social anxiety and depression. It's a strange depression though. Because it doesn't have an extreme affective component. There was no sadness, only a dreadful lethargy and a dry well of emotion.

I am part of the UW International Development Student Conference. I enjoy my time there, but start to realize that these bureaucratic environments really do not work for me. There are no perks. We don't get into any intellectual discussions nor even bother feigning congeniality. Instead, there is a strange silence that surrounds our group. Many things remain unsaid - our whole group thought that one of our co-ordinators was incompetent. But no one actually says or does anything about it. Only at the end did people loosen up and talk about their true feelings...

I enjoy the company of the old Walksafe workers, can't seem to find anything interesting to talk about with the new. Meet the first gay guy that I actually really like. His way of speaking really loudly and his long-windedness make me laugh. He's incredibly knowledgeable about politics and generally a very encouraging responsible character... We get along pretty well.

Also meet a modern day communist. Though we disagreed on many points, me angering him a lot for refusing to stick it to the man, we have invigorating discussions. And he's changed my mind on things more than I'd like to admit (though less than he probably wanted).

I hang out with James Pyo and group much more. I feel happy to be in a laid back group that likes to sit at coffee shops and talk about whatever. By this time, my interests and beliefs in Christianity have waned. And it's all good because these people accept that. I watch their astoundingly beautiful act at "darfur". I wasn't aware that I had friends THIS talented. I am proud to be their 'groupie'. Anyway, the 'collegial' spirit among us is actually reminiscent of high school times... probably because most of them are from the same high school, but as I said, it's really nice to be in a group.

I love my eastern european professors. They work on international development and ethnicity issues respectively. Both are nuanced, compassionate, and well they just look SO cute! They are both very open - one tells me about her failed marriage, the other his dying father... In any case, I feel like I can relate to them... and feel that they really liked me. It's nice to be liked.

In the end:

To sum up the years here, it's truly the people that you meet that make it what it is.
I've met some close-minded people (of which I have now a phobia)
and brilliant and warm people, whom I will remember forever...

Anyway, there's a lot to say and sum up but I will leave it at this was definitely a rollercoaster ride in which I've learned from tremendously...

The Student as a Lover

Over the top, yet inspiring

One of our own

Who is this guy? Does he work at the Turnkey Desk??

Wow

http://youtube.com/watch?v=VfbfS37Swuk

Kosovo: Personal lessons learned

To acquire knowledge, one must study,
but to acquire wisdom , one must observe
- M Savant

(observe AND experience!)

Lately, I've become interested in the United Nation's participation in Kosovo and the treatment of Serbs in an Albanian-dominated Kosovo.
You might have heard about the Kosovo bombings by NATO in 1999, in which Serbs were deemed to be involved in ethnic cleansing of the Albanians. More than 800,000 Albanians fled Kosovo, thousands being killed, wounded, and raped.
Now 8 years later, it is the Serb-minority in Kosovo that is constantly being harassed by local Albanians, with an attempt of 'ethnic cleansing' of the Serbs as recent as 2004.

I've tried to chat about this in an Albanian Facebook group, "Appeal for an independent Kosovo".

And with the little wisdom I had, I tried to engage in a discussion about the Serbs, hoping to generate brainstorming of plans of which to deal with this problem.

What was I thinking?

Their minds were totally consumed by the enormity of pain and damages caused in 1999 and their 'eternal' hatred of Serbians.
I tried to state that they should look out for the Serbians because it would reduce political instability and get greater support from the EU, and thus attract more foreign investments (it was the poorest region in the former Yugoslavia).
I tried to use examples of the politicians that were putting their hatred aside and being hailed by the UN, trying to state that it can and should be done.
All my arguments were to no avail.

Since I'd brought up the Serbs, everything from my information, allegiance, intelligence, and ethnicity was questioned and immediately put down.
They told me that I didn't know anything (despite having read at least 15 different books and articles).
They relied steadfastly on information, of which the reports that I've read contradicted entirely (I attributed this misinformation to the Albanian's notoriously biased reporting).
Then they would make emotional appeals about what happened in 1999 oh the Tragedy!
And then they'd pat themselves on the back. 'Oh Meljos, good job! You put that beautifully.'

I couldn't believe it. I had done the research with an sympathetic eye towards the Albanians for what happened in 1999. But it was all overlooked. I'd been accused of being a Serbian supporter. Effectively, I became disliked by all the Albanian-nationalists, and in turn, my position against them hardened, my sympathies drying up. A rather unpleasant experience.

After complaining to Xiaodi about this rather frigid, actually downright rude reception, he told me that I can't approach emotional experiences like this from an academic perspective.
After looking at my experiences with people (I've offended more than one person with my views), I'd realized that I was coming at this from the wrong orientation.

I forget that political science is limited to a group that reads and critiques papers - many times far removed from the actual events.
Political science often favours the acquirement of power and stability above morality. It downplays the role of the individual, in favour of the entire system. It prides itself on being above emotional reactions - a rational study of humans - a science.

These biases within political science, I'd once critiqued... yet in my actual experience I carried them blindly. And to think, I'd actually prided myself for having a balanced view of means and ends. I'd always argued against the 'ends justify the means' response and yet... in wishing to satisfy an intellectual need for a plan, I'd ignored and objectified the people affected.

I now consider this experience a wisdom acquired.

Still, I don't know what to do with these people. I've learned what not to do, but hopefully observation and experience will lead me to be more human in my response.

From this - it seems that wisdom is knowledge placed effectively... yes, I'd like some more wisdom...