I feel like I need to travel the world.
See the world's poor and feel compassion again.

These days, I can't keep other people in my mind for more than a couple of hours.
I do the motions, joining groups, being interested in books, but none of this sets me on fire.

I feel like I need to recentre myself, such as structure the way I am, my identity - to see what I'd like to achieve for the future.
Identity's a big issue. Who am I, and is what I'm doing/thinking/feeling reflecting that?

I watched "Shake Hands with the Devil"
and I was just so moved. A great work, displaying the courage and just amazing moral character of General Romeo Dallaire during the Rwandan Genocide.

I was so shocked that he cared so much for the 'innocents'.

I feel like I've given up. Though in conversations with others, I retain an optimistic and progressive view of the world, that things, with the application of effort into smart initiatives, will get better.
But deep down, I feel those smart initiatives are too few. I believe that the effort will not be enough.
And that the people to respond will not respond.

Everyday I walk with this burden in my heart, that no change will occur. Then it becomes a why bother.

Perhaps it's my own lack of intelligence - or rather ability to think of these initiatives myself...
I'm currently in a group trying to promote the rights of North Korean refugees in Canada and abroad.

I have decent plans for this.
The people around me though, I am not sure whether they value organization and applying strategy to our efforts.
Like, they don't want posters, they don't want to go on the street and talk to people, they don't know which groups to contact,
everything seems automatic to them, while I only see hardwork ahead of us.

And yet, I feel like I should then try and take a leadership position.
But I detest it. I can't. I faintly see the outlines of plans forming, but I can never pull them into the concrete and workable. There always seems to be too much ground to cover.
I don't believe in my own ablity to lead them. I always feel my position is better as adviser than actual at the front delegating tasks.
It just goes deep down to my lack of faith in my own vision and know-how.

..

Anyway as I said, I feel like I need to travel the world, to give me the passion again. And the experience to enrich me with know how.